Here I am sitting in my room, looking at the blank walls as
I pack and thinking about how so much has changed in this past year. When I
started this school year I was a totally different person than I am now. I was
in a serious relationship, somewhat lost, and seeking God with pretty much only
half my heart. Flash-forward to now, 8 months later, and I’m fully seeking
Jesus, completely content in my singleness and at home in a major that I love.
The funny thing is if you had asked me 8 months ago if any of those things
would have been true I would have thought you were crazy. I didn’t think
anything was off in my relationship with Christ, I ignored the fact that I was
stressed and lost, and I was happy with my boyfriend. God does funny things
though, things that you don’t realize you need, and He did a lot for that for
me this year. I’ve grown so much as a person in 8 months, going from someone
who thought she had it all together to realizing that I’m a broken girl with an
amazing Savior. I went from being comfortable to being pushed to explore
emotions and feelings that I had no desire to discover. I realized that I suck
most of the time and the only reason why I’m any good is because I have Jesus.
When people used to tell me that I honestly thought they were crazy. How could
you realize how awful you are as a person but be so content in that? I thought
there has to be guilt, they have to be lying, none of it made sense to me. Then
through some clarity God helped me see how broken I am. I don’t say that lightly,
I don’t say that I suck because I’m getting down on myself and looking for
pity. I say these things because at my core I’m completely wicked without God.
(Jeremiah 17:9). I can be a horrible friend, an awful daughter, mean sister,
bad girlfriend, and an unmotivated student. I have been all of those things in
the past and I’m sure there will be moments in the future where it happens
again. The literal saving grace to that is Jesus. In the moments where I fall
short God has taught me over the course of this year to come to Him for support
and encouragement rather than others. Don’t get me wrong, having friends and
people around you for support is totally necessary, but in my life I’ve
realized that they never will compare to the love that God continually pours
out on me (Isaiah 55:8-9). It’s wonderful to look back and think about how I
had everything I wanted at the start of this year and now I’m leaving with
everything I needed. As someone who loves change I more often than not can be
very resistant to it. Thankfully the God whom I love is more persistent in
making me whole than I am. I’m excited to see what God plans on doing in my
life this summer as I go back home to work and really open to the idea that He
could lead me anywhere. The freedom that comes from trusting God with my future
is wonderful and it’s another thing that I’ve learned I need to do more of!
To
show you something fun I’ll give you part of a list I started with
Elizabeth the other day and we were walking on campus. The list was titled
“Things I’m happy about” and I can’t remember them all but I’ll give you some:
1. I’m officially done with my Junior year of
college and more importantly I made it through finals
2.
That I have a great roomie
3.
That I got a free milkshake
4.
That I’m pale
5.
That I never had to get braces
6.
That I have lots of clothes
7.
That Jesus loves me
8.
That it’s summertime
9.
That I’m done with school…until summer school
starts
10. That
I have crazy hair
11. That
I love my major
12. That
I have great friends
13. That
Starbucks exists
14. That
I can walk
15. That
I’m finally moving off campus! Ahhhhhh!
I’ll leave
you with a current favorite verse, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb,
sweet to that soul and healing to the bones. –Proverbs 16:24”
Say something
nice to someone today, you never know the effect it could have!
xx
